Surprise!!! Ben's coming!! :) *spins arnd in joy*

As I wait patiently for a surprise only u can give me... As I wait... for a smile that onlu u alone can bring to my lips... I understand, almost wish I didnt...but I do, all too well... Wish I could be there with u right now... wherever u are...to take care of u....to give u a hug...to tell u that il be here as you sleep....to dream with u...and to share a lifetime with u.... -miss u much-

A test by Colourgenic.... SO true!

At this particular time you are feeling the results of extreme stress and you are seeking a 'way out' but you are pushing too hard. Obviously you need peace, tranquillity and contentment. Your temperament is such that you are hoping, unrealistically perhaps, that your desires will shortly be fulfilled (even if at this time you are not quite sure what those true aspirations may be!).You don't feel as if you can go it on your own anymore. You don't want to be taken for granted. You need to be recognised as a 'caring person' and it could be that you are searching to establish a relationship, not necessarily with someone new, but with that someone special who could feel the same way as you do.You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship.

it's a wonder how some people can actively be using the computer for a few hrs str... Ive been online for the past 15 mins and ive basically gone and seen n read veything i wanted to haha..read blogs, checked mails, signed in to MSN....ya. ok im done... haha...=) unless i begin to blog la..:) then that shall extend my stay in cyberspace, say, for 10 more mins? :D whenever im in sch and i borrow jun's or val's laptop to use, il stare at it for awhile, actively racking my brains as to where i should go...hahaha...:) ohwells...i guess there isnt too much in cyberspace to attract me i guess... when everything i want, and everything that's impt, is right here with me...:)

finally met Ben after a LLLOOOOONNNGGGG one week...it was baddd...and he was so busy... hmmm then badly wanted to meet him for supper but he was too tired too...and i really dun have the heart to ask him to drive from AMK to boon lay and bac...poor dear... :( But it was so worth it, over this wkend, well it's only been fri and sat, to see his smiles, and hugs! when i was in the car after he had picked me up, i just looked at his smiling profile as he was driving and felt so happyyy, and i knew that I am so in love with this guy... :) today, as we were walking, I was lagging behind, and he turned around to look at me, and extended his hand to me.. so unexpected, and so utterly dear... :)

my fucking cough is pissing the heck outta me... cldnt even nap properly jus now cos i kept coughing..

(ben called!)

haha omg so funny...=) had a disagreement with my mum just now and apparently she called ben too after that...and he's supposed to be working and unable to call, but i received a call from him! so i ask him, 'can call meh?' To which he says, 'What to do, emergency mah...my wife and my mother-in-law quarrelling...' :D haha!!! its at times like this, when i fall in love with u all over again...thinking abt it just puts a smile on my face...:)

(haha ya i know, its qt a drastic change in mood from my first sentence, hahha but that was BEFORE I got the call from my dear....:)

so, ive just woken up from a nap and feeling damn fucking hot, cos im in frigging hall and i dun have my beloved aircon....ahhhh! man i love my friday nights, tts when i go home and freeze myself to death, so that i thaw over the wkend in sch, get it? sigh. hav begun coming bac to hall on sat night, so that i get wk done on sunday, which i do acty... completed 816 labrpt and my parrt for 105...but since im doing the last part on data collection too, yea, i hav to continue with it tmr after the 105 meeting... lalala. cant do my AB3 cos cant access the databases, somehow down too...ahhh! ohwellls, am now reading martin guerre, (anyone know who that is) haha basically my reading for hist that i have to finish by tmr... lalala... and its 125 pages!! 0-0 ahhhhhhhhh... ya im not halfway yet ha.. but i will finish!! then il go read 103... bleahhh.. btw am not s/uing 816! :) lalalala... ok i apologise for the 'lalala's randomly inserted here and there ha...:) am now waiting for mum n ben to come so that i can have dinner with them! yay! :) i know im luckyy, still got pple bring food all the wayyy up for me...:D thanks mum and dear!! :)

spent the day studying with val in the ADM library, must say that its really rather conducive! :) then after that we went back to my hall, haha and it was korean madness! I found my fav song from sad love storyy!!!! omg, th song is damn nice!! so absolutely sad, i recommend everyone to watch this drama!! v v v sad... haha yay d/l all the soundtracks now, tho v slow... :) thanks val!!!!!!! :)

on another note altogether, its damn sad for beckham...whywhywhy??! just when an england recall seemed imminent, just when he was back in the first team for real madrid, just when he was going to play in the charity match at old trafford(i think), just when the idiots capello and Mcclaren hav realised their idiocy, he injures his knee....! whywhywhy... just watched the vid on youtube which shows him injured, sighhhh... damn sad... watched his goal against greece in the world cup, the euphoria of the fans when he scored, his joy, it was all so contagious and plain to see... he still has what it takes, and if u tell me that he cannot play, u obviously need to start reading the match stats for his recent games!

Yay!! I can now add one more accomplishment to the wk: 105 survey critique and 816 AB2 done!!! hahaha... bleahhh but still got 103 and 104 assignmt...gotta research on stuff... hmmm... got meetings on mon too, man, monday's gonna be very busy...CNY is ending way too soon.. but i really had a great time this year, thoroughly enjoyed myself... Is it bcos of my dear? I think so.. haha... =) After talking to him last night, I realised, I have been slowly letting myself do what I want to do.. I'm slowly letting myself live my own life, and do things that I want to, not what She wants me to..which is gd... I guess I've learnt to start living more for myself, I mean it's nth as dramatic as the fact that i dun ahve my own life, but alot of times, when I do things, I have her in mind... Maybe I should now try to live it my way, slowly of cos, haha.. :) But then again, if I were to be able to totally disregard her and live my own life, not caring abt her feelings and such, I wouldnt be me, and I think I'd hate that me. But I realise that there are somethings that should be just for me, and I should do it on my own, and in my own way. :)

Yay!! I can now add one more accomplishment to the wk: 105 survey critique and 816 AB2 done!!! hahaha... bleahhh but still got 103 and 104 assignmt...gotta research on stuff... hmmm... got meetings on mon too, man, monday's gonna be very busy...CNY is ending way too soon.. but i really had a great time this year, thoroughly enjoyed myself... Is it bcos of my dear? I think so.. haha... =) After talking to him last night, I realised, I have been slowly letting myself do what I want to do.. I'm slowly letting myself live my own life, and do things that I want to, not what She wants me to..which is gd... I guess I've learnt to start living more for myself, I mean it's nth as dramatic as the fact that i dun ahve my own life, but alot of times, when I do things, I have her in mind... Maybe I should now try to live it my way, slowly of cos, haha.. :) But then again, if I were to be able to totally disregard her and live my own life, not caring abt her feelings and such, I wouldnt be me, and I think I'd hate that me. But I realise that there are somethings that should be just for me, and I should do it on my own, and in my own way. :)