sighhh u wld not believe how absolutely high i was ytd...but when the glucose AND caffeine high wears off...omg....im not kidding...its damn fucking bad... sat in front of the comp in maclab from 630 to 1020....wow...mygod, my eyebells were going to shrivel up and fall off lars....but heyyy audio's left....sighh then gotta go bac later to do again sigh...bleahh...came bac, lasted till 2am with my 111 and crashed...today, woke up at 10....and now im bac staring at 111....omg how many versions of s'pore's past must i read b4 alfred thinks we are sufficiently educated?!!
i think ive reached the stage whereby i finally am able to relax and let u do things....many times il msg u and remind u abt how to say some things cos im afraid that u might say the wrong thing to her....but now, i think im over that...i know u can handle urself, much more than i can do to myself ha.. but ive been missing u alot...im glad that il finally be able to see u today! :) gdluck and all the best for ur presentation, u can do it! :)

hmmmm havnt been blogging in awhile...its always like this, when i dun have my comp, i think of a million things to blog abt, but once im with my laptop, its a blank.....
was doing the term paper abt abortion and got pretty sad while i was at it....reading abt what pple go thru, the decisions that they are faced with...im definitely pro-life, but i realise how difficult it is to make that decision to keep the beby....ultimately, it lies with how much importance you accord with the things in ur life.... but the reasons behind the roe v. wade ruling/ definitely flawed.
hmmmm not going to be able to see my dear again till the end of the wk....it's only been a day but i miss u alr...do take care of urself alright? dun want u to fall sick, wun be able tp take care of u now if u do, with me being in sch and all..since we're both so busy with wk from this week onwards, let's strive and wk hard tgt!!! :)

been slogging like hell the past nights doin 108 paper...9 pges done, 3 more to go...yay! haha i think i'l have a headache doing citations sigh.. slept at 3am last night doing 108...wth...hmmm but its qt nice to be up so late...was acty pretty pductive too...=) haha thanks to coffee!!
waiting for ben to come pick me up to go for dinner tgt...yay! finally some alone time...havnt had an 'alone' dinner with him for qt awhile...im sry dear that u got scolded...i jus feel abit scared and bad for u..that u got scolded bcos of me...il make it up to u..=) i promise! cant wait to see u....

haha u people must be thinking how i can blog during sch hours...ahha im using zeinab's comp!! am typing the 111 notes on her laptop...haha then we'll share the notes....rmb to send me ah zeinab.... :) hmmm am wearing all black today bcos of today's halloween theme...haha supposed to be black and orange but ive no orange top!!! except the HC carnival shirt lars...but no im not wearing that...hmmm going to rain soon!!! yay!!! ok tonite, after doing 108 video editing in sch, im gong to go bac to start on my 108 essay, then im going to start revision alr...yuppp! il sleep late tonite...anyway im qt awake after 2 cups of coffee ahaa... :)

A silent sleep
for an eternity
despair and heartbreak
mingled in a bitter drink of hope
An unspoken promise
to wait
to hope
to stay
Hope wanes
with time
and repetition of the promise to self
Hope's a burden
She wishes she can fling off
Guilt scars
her lacerated heart
She lets go
guilt a shadow in her mind
Finds happiness
hope
a line
severed forever
From his eternal sleep
tears fall
He wishes
for a dream that he had been having
one that he wished
he had not woken up from
Promises broken
No guilt to pin
He will not
A dream's a dream
It was his dream.

yo! :) haha ytd was a very happy day...:) really enjoyed myself spending the whole day with my dear... :) lalala haaha... hmmmm im qt happy....think she has more or less come to terms with it.....hmmm ya, cos she's been telling me things like 'ok, must take care of urself....dun go too far etc etc....'haha yupp....and she started talking abt the future and stuff.... :D haha yay!!! happyhappy....:) hmmmm i miss u dear....wun be able to see u for a few days!!! :( haha but there's always the wkend! :)

lalala had dim sum buffet ytd...yay! went to harbourfront centre's Dragonboat Restaurant ahha....veryvery nice...:) sighhhh shall go do my 108 vid nw... in the comp lab now acty...but the video is pissing me off....think the cam's like abit f-ed up haha....sighhh have to stay bac today in sch to do it...bleahhh!!! i need to do my term proj paper for 108 tonite...die die have to start today!!! and i must start organising my revision..!! :)

im so pissed! stupid internet suddenly got some prob and closed all my windows...arghhhh...anyway........
im still very confused as to wad she wants....she's ok in front of him , but in front of me's another story...im qt tired of this acty...but il jus go along and see how it goes....i know very well wad i want....this is the first time that im doing sth for myself and myself alone, not for anyone else.... and im not going to give it up.. :)
im fucking tired after one whole day of lects...like wtf....then was trying to upload the 108 video and had so many problems...then had to lug the stupid thing bac some more, sucks!!! hmmm but pple said our vid( wad snatches they cld catch) haha very artsy-fartsy...ahahhaha.....ok pple....thanks for the vote of confidence haha...but i hope the finished pdt comes well tgt...ok! gtg...meet my mum at city hall, then him later... yay! :)

In this sound of darkness
I stand
With my hands cupped
I hear nothing
This emptiness
Scares me
Yet I can’t bear to hear the silence
My thoughts a riot within
Drowning out this deafening cacophony
I whirl
Till lights dance before my eyes
In this darkness
I hear nothing
The sound of my own heart
A shuddering last breath
Before the lights come on
In this last dance
That I’ll ever have
With myself again

im very very bored.....ahrrghhhhh....sign ther are times when i want to stand in front of an oncoming vehicle...today seems like the perfect day.... to cheer myself up, i spoke to my dear, surfed youtube,surfed the net some more, stared at my 102 notes, surfed for hot pics of beckham..and ohya, listening to rocking gd songs... i love bon jovi....
ok tried to post pics of beck but i think i need a program to do it haha...cant copy n paste haha..sighhhhsss.....im bored fucking bored....n frigging outta sorts....
dear come quick..

yuppps....back in hall now...pretty early today...but guess its gd....shall study for my 102....its strange but i feel very not stressed abt it....i have no idea why...technically i shld be panicking, cos ive done one reading only, but im not!!! im still here blogging haha....sighhh....ok hope the panic hits me soon....but maybe its becos i normally do keep up with readings...but im not too fond of this feeling...haha i want to panic!!!! i have to revise!!! haha...:)
this was a horrible weekend...i really dun feel like goin bac hm next wkend again....sighhh...why dun u understd that its a mistake for me to make? if its a mistake in the first place, cos i know its not... why cant u jus let me be happy and u urself be happy too? why must u dig up things and quarrel with me abt? why must u force me to make a choice? why do u think that u can jus tell me to stop and distance myself and i will obey? is it a result of me giving in to u too much? why do u feel this way? weren't u happy? I thought things were going fine.... I shld not have to make a choice........
im so sorry dear....that u have to go thru this.....i really wish u were by my side..

my god...im coughing like mad!! gdness....seems like it's getting worse, well at least right at this moment...shit lars...then i cant take med now cos it'll make me drowsy and i need to study!!! :( ok i gotta quickly go mug.... maybe il take a nap later in the day...but im so happy that 111 is over!!! like OVER!!!! haha i dun have to think abt it anymore! sighh was thinking that il be free after next mon, then i rmbed that we still have the 108 research paper wth...ahhh...im qt stressed out suddenly.... ahh lotsa things to do!!! :( sat's filming....gonna finish it all in one day!!! yuppp we must!! :) ohya, gonna have to start 102 tmr!! (cough cough)

In a strangely melancholic mood now.... after typing the email to sonya.....realised that i really do miss her qt alot..hmmmm and i dun e=want this friendship to ever change.....i dun think i cld take it if it did.... hmmmm jus miss having her arnd amd talking to her....abt the many things that i can only talk to her abt and she me....sighhh i guess i jus miss that feeling.... i miss u gurl!!!!! :) all of a sudden u seem so far away..... i'll be waiting till u get bac!!!! shall continue to miss u in the meantime....wahhh it's fate, jus now was playg 'rmb the time' by MJ and now 'I will always love u' by WH....sighhh its contributing to my mood...:(
i miss my dear...he's got a headache....sighhh do take care of urself....we always worry abt each other so much....he asked me the other day, 'don't u think we are both pretty lovey-dovey? haha but im glad we're BOTH like that..' :) haha so sweet!!!! sighhh i really miss his company....feels lonely without him by my side..... if uve seen the best, u jus won't feel a need to look arnd anymore....nth else measures up..

In 108 now haha...yay i know how to use Flash now! =) think its qt fun ahha.....anyway jared is so lame....ET phone home...haha u thought of it first!!! well anyway....goin to eat luch later, after the 108 meeting which i hope will only take half an hr haha.....hmmmmph..ytd nite was madness....wasnt feeling well cos i felt abit feverish.....then had a bad headache but still had to go for the 111 meeting....damn sian lars......1030 to 0200 lehs...it's frigging madness!!!! sighs i cant wait for thursday!!!! yay! then 111 will finally be OVER muahahahhaa.....now must do 108...sobs...ok blog later....go for meeting now... :)

am currently in the hostel....packing my stuff and waiting for ben to pick me up....jus finished watching the anime fate stay night!!!! very very nice anime...tho i wasnt too fond of the ending....sighhs havnt watched anime in a long while....felt gd...=)
went to meet ben at JP today...=) dun eat at bentobox pple...its not very nice....hmmm well anyway we went to the arcade after tt....haha too crowded at daytona so we played capcom vs marvel...haha fun!!!!! tho i was jus bacsicall banging away at the controls haha....of cos, i lost....sighhhs now i owe him a favour....ahhhh why???!!!!! =( haha well anyway was glad to spend time tgt..we talked abt communication today during 101, and i can say that we communicate very well...i can tell him wadever's on my mind cos i know he wldnt judge....and he'd understd....and he really does...and he can tell me anything too...how did i get so lucky? simin told me that since ive been with him, ive become happier, more carefree... and i think that's the case too...he's become the support in my life, things that used to bother me alot dun bother me so much now....ive become a happier person becos of him.....he takes away my doubts and fears, and he'll always be there for me.. I guess this is wad ive always been looking for...one person who almost exists wholly for me....to know that im special to this person....and i him.

yay!!!! im currently using jun's laptop to blog...hahahaa.....it's her bday today!!!! that';s why im so nice to her today hahahahaha....no lars im always nice to her...i love talking to her....she brings out the inner crappiness within me hahah.... =) always crap with her as i like her reactions to my crappy ans haha...=) lalalala....am v v high now!!!! ahahha....mum's coming over tonight to bring me dinner!!! yay!!!! haha i finally get to eat gd food! =D i miss homecooked food!!! =) ok been pretty busy the past few days...cos 107 assignmt was due today and tmr's 111 term proj presentation....ahhhh but its mostly done so i cant wait for tmr!!! illl be one very free person ahaha...=) (what u waiting what u waiting for...) <----- tts jun singing...=D
HC maf was ok.... we sang songs and everything.....haha which was pretty fun i guess....=) but i was really tired after tt....hmmm at least i didnt have to dance!!! haha...=)
pple call me!!! i wun pick up...listen to a nice song!!!!! sexyback!!!! hahahhaa.......when i used to wk before i entered ntu, i wld call myself during wk hahaha.....=) im wearing all black today...! bcos its rainbow day!!! but black is not part of the spectrum!!!! but too bad!!!!! its still a colour....or a lack of colour!!!! hahahaha....=) ok im super high....ben says its raining...but i dun feel cold!! haha gtg toilet with jun now....tsktsk she ah....hahaha ok ciao!

Today was an ultra fucked up day. Consultation with a lecturer today pissed me off immensely................. guess what proj i have left pple? guess which lect???? ya the hum sup one..... fucked up lars....
ok was alr not a very gd day cos it didnt start well....ok was getting very confused over the proj and every one jus kinda lost focus, like we weren't clear abt wad we were supposed to do....but after awhile we nailed it down so everything was looking pretty gd....we decided to set up a consultation with asshole to see if we were going in the right direction....ok so we went in and he gave us some pts and pointed us in the general direction, tts fine. so it was goin pretty gd....then some girl came in and i think they had a prior appointmt so he told her he'd be done in 10 mins....it was a pretty gurl lars, so being the hum sup asshole that he is, he looked totally excited. asshole. anyway,i brought up a pt that he had raised himself earlier as i felt that there was some prob with it and i wanted to clarify. before i finished my thought, he said,' ok lars, if i dont give u sth, u pple wldnt leave. but i didnt want to tell u like tt cos tt means i cant give u the credit anymore.' those were his EXACT words. and he went on to give a crappy pt that we had alr scrapped tts why we didnt mention. like wtf, he only wanted to get rid of us!!! and i wasnt even asking for a pt u asshole.... and when we present, i can jus imagine him with that fucking smug smile on his face...fuck off asshole.
anyway, sonya made me feel better after i explained to her the situation...

sonya/ i am intimate with pornya says:
huh, i don't get it
sonya/ i am intimate with pornya says:
OH OH ok
sonya/ i am intimate with pornya says:
WAH. asshole.
sonya/ i am intimate with pornya says:
blah. idiot. be bitchy to him (: esp when he's not looking

yupp...sounds gd to me.. :)

Life was normal
I went about my days
Never aware of an emptiness in me
Used to remember days when I would wake
When I would stop in mid-argument
And think
I havn't been truly happy
Not so in a long time
Happiness was an elusive imp
that danced just out of my reach
I wasn't even aware
When you became indispensable
When it became such
I couldn't do without you
You made me smile
You made me laugh
You told me my smile was special
And made me believe that it was truly so
For the first time in my life
I realised that there was someone
Someone who knew my innermost thoughts
Who understood
And knew me
Just as I was
Who loved me
Just as I was
When it seemed bleak
I promised myself
I'll fight for you
I still mean it
And I'm glad that we never gave up
Not once
Not ever
It just didn't cross our minds
This was too precious to let go
I'll never meet someone like you ever again
Of that I'm very sure
How could there be someone else who loved me as much as you do
How could there be someone else who could make me feel this way
I know this is meant to be
With all my heart
I'll walk forever with you
Always

heyy....am in shawn how's lesson now and as usual he's goin so slow that im dropping off to sleep ahhh.....ytd was another night of slping at 2+am haha....i qt like slping at that time....was acty not tired when i went to slp, but had to, or i'd be pretty comatose the next day....was supposed to wake up at 7am today, but i snoozed all the way from 7 to 9am haha....man im so super lazy....sighs but i always have difficulty getting up in the morning....
anyways.....got new toilet mates!they moved into the room next door over the wk hols....hmmm i dun really know them, but im not super fond of them cos they're very gross!!! they like hang all their unmentionables everuwhere and jus leave it in the toilet like that....eck...pls lors i dun really want to know what's ur size....arghhhhh...what an eyesore!!!
hmmmmm got 108 meeting with my grp later.......hmmmms.....hopefully we'll be able to get our topic out by today....then wed's meeting with 111 grp....hmmm think things' are goin qt well, jus that we tend to lag haha...:)
ohya ate lunch with jared ytd,haha the grp's getting smaller!!!! haha no lars....it was an interesting session haha....:) talked alot and confirmed lotsa things! haha....
gonna see my dear today! yay! :) hmmm havnt had much alone time with him lately....can't wait to see him!
going bac to HC MAF on sat...hmmm dunno why im goin bac either sigh..i can count on one hand the pple im goin to talk to.....i find it so fake that we havnt met up as a class in god knows how long and now when we go bac we're jus going to feel this overwhelming sense of love and belonging to the class n sch...pls......when simin asked me my first rxn was like 'no'...haha then she looked so shocked cos i didnt even tink before answering!haha but ohwell it'd be gd seeing some pple....lets' hope we have fun!!! but pls....i dun want to dance the mass dance.........! ;p

ok. so my tagboard is not up yet..... :( i need help!!!!! haha..... sighhh gonna ask one of u guys to help me with the stupid tagbd when i see u guys in sch later...cos its acty 2.08am now...yuppp and im feeling pretty awake....think im really qt nocturnal haha...
hmmmm the whole wk has not been too pdtive...finished my assignments but i ddnt get down to doing any revisn ahhhhh....ohwellls more late nights coming up!! ;p
still coughing like crazy......seen the doc a third time....ahhh they're fleecing me of my money...sighhh really hope i get well this time after finishing the medication....
i hate the fact that i go shopping, and i end up not buying anything....arghhhh why......
and my stupid 101 has EIGHT frigging hypothesis. that takes up half a pg on its own!!! its the most useless thing ive ever done....sucks!!!!!!!
ok im done complaining.
ha. like i ever will.
stupid pointless exercise!!!
hmmmmmmmm
i guess there really shld be no secrets between friends....but i also believe in the fact that there is a right time for everything... if my friend is not telling me sth now, it cld be bcos she's nt confortable yet or that it cld not be the right time yet, so i respect and trust that the person will tell me in due time......it's the same for me, its not that i keep things from pple...but i jus feel that i need time sometimes to think things thru first and formulate thoughts and when the right time comes, i'll then tell the person.....trust between friends is very impt...however i must say that there are very few pple who wld truly say things that are on their minds the moment it comes to them....but im really glad to have met really really gd frens in sci...pple who i can really confide in and talk abt things that are close to my heart... well u know who u are... :) hence the blog add :)
im the kind of person who doesnt need a large grp of close friends...i can survive with a handful...as i go thru pri, sec, and jc, i really treasure those who stay with me....ive known sonya for close to 9 years and she's still my bestest friend, n i know that will never change....it's a nice feeling to have... :) i can count on one hand my closest friends, and i jus want to say thanks for being there for me, as i will be for u always. :) ,
i cannot imagine what it will be like if i had never met u...i'd never have known such pain but neither would i have ever known such immense happiness. I would still have gone on searching for that perfect someone,, going thru life and meeting pple who i might develop feelings for...but i would not have known u...I have never met someone like u, n honestly, i know that i will never ever find someone qt like u, of that im very very sure..ure the only one for me. :)